Behind the Scenes: Scared to death

It’s a few days after my favorite holiday and a few days until my birthday.

I’m scared to death.

Over five years ago I thought about writing a book that told the story of my journey to become a fiction writer. I was just shy of three years into self-publishing and the experience I was having was nothing like what I read in blogs and saw described in online forums.

I’d wanted to be a writer since I was ten years old. Call me a late bloomer. Call me lazy or a terrible procrastinator or a pro at second-guessing myself and changing course.

Since that Spring morning in 2013, I’ve started and stopped writing that story at least seven or eight times. Each time, I told myself no one would be interested, I didn’t have any advice that others could follow in the hope of achieving success.

My husband kept pushing me to write it and I flung excuses at him like a chimp tossing excrement. He’s a patient guy, he said nothing.

I knew the real reason was fear. I don’t like exposing myself. I’m a private person. I don’t like flaunting my failures and missteps in public. I don’t like people to know what hurts me or makes me doubt myself.

Now, finally, I think…I’ve realized, maybe other people really do want to read about that stuff because other writers are also private, introverted people. I hate it when people confuse introversion with shyness. It is not. I’m not at all shy about speaking to a stranger. But I do keep to myself, and I keep my feelings private. The circle of people I call friends is small. I don’t like the spotlight.

This writing journey of mine has been long and painful and challenging and discouraging and filled with absolutely amazing moments of elation that I can’t begin to put into words.

This year, this book has resurfaced at odd, unexpected moments at least three times. The year is ending and now is the time to write it. If you believe in a mystical, unknowable facet to life, maybe there’s a reason for this.

Either way, I’m done fighting it. And at the end of the day, writing about my experiences is fun, so I’m going to enjoy it and see what comes of it.

Join me here, behind the scenes, for a wild ride of (mostly) uncensored writing that I’m aiming to complete by December 26, 2018 — Writing is Murder

I’m scared to death, but I’ve let fear win in my life far too many times.

Next step: Popcorn

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